a snippet

“You are quite impressed with yourself aren’t you?”

“Shit yeah! You would be too if you knew how far I get each time I focus myself to improve. If you were me you would be so impressed with yourself you would never realize you have more work to do and you would still be stuck admiring the teenage me.”

“Wow. You certainly have a stong sense of self. Do you make mistakes?”

“Come come now…. Thats a shitty question. If you want to insult me then do that. If you want to make a point you should do that too. It’s alright if you think my ego is so big I am blinded by it. But if you think that will cause me to say something stupid that you can use to undo the beauty that is the complexity of me then you bullshitting yourself…”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you think you can set a trap question for me and that I will walk into it then you and I are wasting each other’s time…. To answer your question, yes, I make mistakes. Everyday. Some bigger than others. Some public some private. I take no pride in being right. I feel no shame in being wrong. I apologize when I feel I should and I don’t when I don’t. I have been known to tell someone to kiss my entire ass like Della Reese in Harlem Nights. I own what I do and what I have done. My mistakes cost me and what I am blessed to do well, I thank and praise God for.  I know you are looking for drama but this interview is about something altogether different than that. Hows about we get back to the subject? Thank you.”

Microwave Smicrowave

The microwave is one of the most fantastic and horrible inventions in the last 150 years. I am certainly happy with how nice it is that I can heat up leftovers without having to break out a pot or pan and then clean it once done. And in the summertime I promise you I am thankful for the microwave saving me from having to heat the entire house. It used to be, that once summer came, I would make cold cut sandwiches and that would be good enough. But there is too much damn salt in cold cuts. I have reduced my cold cut and processed meat consumption by 95%. Every couple of weeks I will ear a roast beef or turkey sandwich but that used to be my staple four years ago.

Anyway. the virtues of the microwave are easy to document but it’s horrible effects are not so clear. That is until now! How your microwave is making your lazy ass kids even lazier… tune in at 11 for this and more scary stories. It could be killing you. Its in your home. And it maybe in your kitchen right now… find out when Dul Gui gives you your doppler 33,000 weather report…

Once I got sick I got a little pseudo healthy. I swore of sluts and nights out clubbing… wait. That was what my now wife made me do… I put up a good fight. I resisted but I forgot I explained to her how the guns work. I also started eating better. A little. It happened in stages. I will admit that. First, my then girlfriend now wife made me promise to stop drinking the nectar of life that we all know as Mountain Dew. (If you reading this Dewy baby, I miss you!) And I had a harder time than I should have doing that. ANYWAY….

I knew then that I needed to start cooking at home. Stop eating fast food. And use the microwave less. Well I always loved cooking. And eating fast food is about how cheap and how convenient it is…. But the microwave has become a way of life. I am not sure my 13 year old ever heated anything up that didn’t require a microwave until about two or three years ago. When I talk to him about how long it takes to cook, he asks me howcome I dont use the microwave? This from a kid who cooks everything on the stove top with the eye on high and cooks everything in the oven on the highest setting. Needless to say he burns everything he cooks. But he eats it anyway so….. maybe that’s OK by him and maybe he doesn’t recognize the difference between what I cook and what he cooks. Maybe he does. Maybe he will eat anything. If thats the case then it isnt about slow cooking or the process. It’s about how much and how fast you can get it. Enter the microwave. I tried to explain you can’t cook everything in the microwave but I guess I am out of touch. They have these individual cakes that you bake in the microwave. I’ll be damned! The boy claims there is a microwave infomercial where they claim you can even make crispy toast in the damn thing! It is hard enough trying to get them to appriecate and understand that there are many positive traditions that go with cooking…. without having a wonder box that does it all.

Wow.

Current Events

THIS is a metaphor…. There is always far too much going on in the world to ever reduce what is important down to any small box. Someone somewhere is always making the decisions about what you will and wont be given as important on a given day. There are many stories of importance right now that I would not normally mention and in keeping with the style, I wont mention them now. There are two big stories in the past 24 hours that would usually find me offering you my unsolicited opinion. However I will not talk about them but I will explain a little bit… (watch the metaphor…)

Sometimes I write with a keen awareness of the blog traffic. I mean there are somethings that get hits from the search engines and I know that. So there have been times when I will post those type things because the traffic usually bring me some new readers and new readers can’t be bad. Now. By that same token there are some hot button topics I won’t write about. I don’t want the traffic that comes with the topic. I am just not interested. I realize I can get the people here faster if I say something crazy about the things I wont write about. However, whatever my goal is, I just don’t care about some shit.

Well in the last 24 hours there have been two big topics that I would normally write about. The first one I already called in the last six weeks. I said that needed to happen to keep the spotlight focused. And it happened. Congratulations. And the latter I just wont touch. Let the conspiracy theories begin. Even I am sometimes guilty of making things out to be more than they are.

Tosh.0

Daniel Tosh is one very funny asshole. I have only been able to catch snippets of his new show until now. He tickles the shit out of me. I think his show is cool but I wonder how much better it would be on HBO? (Less BS and censorship… but we know from the Chris Rock Show there is some there too…) Terrel Owens apologies had me in stitches.

Links Problems

So I go away from my blog for a minute choosing instead to catchup with an old friend and I come back to find all my embedded videos are gone. I never touched the posts. I never edit what I write when I write it so unless I came into my own post in a dazed stupor and went to each post with a video in it and vandalized it.

Probably not. So now I get to go back through and edit those. In doing so I have been rereading things I jotted down and some of it is pretty damn good people… I apologize for the link problems.

Thats Some Mean Pussy….

South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, who was missing for a little while now, went to Argentina to go see his lover. The governor is married and has four children.. He also happens to have a fairly important job as A GOVERNOR. He dropped everything and I mean everything to go south of the boarder to get a little south of the boarder….

I mean… he just said, ‘fuck it’ and had to go get it. Now we have all been home in bed and gotten that phone call that makes you get up and get dressed at 2am when you need to be out the door for work at 5:30am. You have been convinced of the importance of the moment and your counterpart has said any number of magical things that wakes you instantly and makes you feel rested in no time. However, that’s a short across town car trip. This cat went to a different hemisphere. That’s some mean pussy right there…. Make you throw away love for some lust… Make you destroy your own family just so you can have something you know you shouldnt have… Thats some mean pussy right there! May you never know the destructive allure of this fantastic thing of beauty.

Is Honey, Bee Poop?

You ever wonder if honey is bee poop? And who the hell saw that slime and thought that they should work past the bees and eat it?

California voters are the craziest

I have recently learned from a friend who used to live in California that there was once a referendum put out that asked the voters did they want to raise taxes or vote to discontinue public school buses thought the state. The peoples voted there be no public school buses.

Now. I have not had a chance to do my research and confirm this however, I have no reason to doubt it is true. In passing I asked him about a skit on the Daily Show and he dropped that little bombshell on me.

With all the shit I like to talk (and boy do I) I had nothing to say to that. I can only repeat that which I have been given as fact. California voters did not want to raise taxes. The taxes would go to provide the state’s children with transportation to and from school. They voted against the tax even though they knew they might be killing school buses all over the state. Wow.

Fuckin incredible….

Okay okay… So I have a couple few questions…. Do they not understand that taxes pay for services? Are they so self concerned that what other people and their kids need not matter at all? Do they not understand or do they not care? Sometimes I wonder how fucked up the country would be if we the tax payers could INSIST our monies go where WE wanted them to…. What does the average person think is not important enough for their tax money?

California voters once said public school buses.

Lebron Stock Falling?

The Lakers won the NBA title. Kobe won the Finals MVP. Lebron James was doing exactly what I was doing, watching the game. Or not. Check this out. Saturday I went to Marshalls (I HIGHLY recommend them) and I bought a new pair of Lebron James hi top Nike’s for $29.99! Thats right! Not the knockoffs the immigrants at the flea market sell that come apart once wet. No not those. These are the ones made by child labor overseas for like $6. The BEST quality! Thirty bucks! AND there aren’t some crazy color combo like pink white and purple! Because you know, sometimes, Marshalls has the good shit in the shittiest colors. I once saw the sueade Pumas I wanted as a kid in a day glow orange and brown. Ewww. I even saw a pair of red and black checkerboard flannel Chuck Taylors. I shit you not. Now who the fuck did they think were gone buy those?

Anyway. Marshalls usually carries the size 17 shoes and the crazy color clothes that are out of season. And sometimes they carry the out of style stuff. Did they get the Lebron shoe in that fast? Damn. It didn’t take very long. Is Lebron’s stock falling? I don’t know but I got some nice shoes cheap. Matter of fact… vitamin water is on sale at my local grocery store for 59 cents…

pick a beat

i bet you wanna hear me *CLICK CLICK BOOM*

video of me c walkin

pistol in my waist frowning

steadily shit talkin

with a pissed off pitbull ready to attack

fat money roll in my pocket

that i got from selling crack

mad at no one exactly

certain that haters want to attack me

standing next to a pimped out ride

with two big ass bitches inside

but thats not me

sorry

instead im beyond that shit like outer space

simple puzzle pieces will get put into place

but i don’t have to threaten you with violence

unspoken, you will observe the code of silence