It was a Sunday afternoon and the young man had gone to the mall to grab some food for his fish and maybe get himself something too. He would run in and run out quickly because he hated the mall scene. Too many high school kids smoking, being too loud, and acting foolish. And although he once was too loud and too foolish he never smoked. His recollection of his old ways made him aware of a double standard. He mumbled something to himself and chuckled.
He always put blinders on as he trotted away through the mall. He had to. There was far too much that was pleasing to the eye that would serve as adistraction for this man on a mission to buy 30 goldfish so his albino Tiger Oscars could eat for the next few days. Way too much eye candy.
Bag of fish in his left hand, he jumped on an escalator going up and looked down at his shoes. “Don’t look up. Don’t look up. Don’t look up.” He repeated to himself. As he neared the top he did look up and there were no short skirts but there was another surprise. A young lady his age named Leah stood at the top of the floating staircase and she was staring at him. She was a bit over dressed for the summer. Were it not for the short sleeve shirt, her heavy work boots and carhart work pants gave the look of a winter worker woman. She had several bags in her hands and her shades sat on top of her head like she always wore them.
They made eye contact and after a second he realized who she was. Her eyes tightened as she felt it took him too long to recognize her.
“Hey sweetie”
“Leah? Leah! Damn. I haven’t seen you in what? Eight months?”
“Has it been that long, sweetie?”
“Almost… How are you?”
“Good. You?”
“How is the baby? Boy or girl and what did you name it?”
“Girl. I named her Latifha like you suggested.”
As they spoke they moved away from the busy spot over to a stone wall.
They looked at each other and the memories kicked in. There was an awkwardness that he gave voice to.
“You still with him?”
“Yes.”
“Still love him?”
“Yes.”
The man sighed.
“This is awkward…”
“I know.”
“I want to touch you so bad. Can I touch you?”
All was still for a moment as he tripped on memory lane about the lovely girl he met at work who was two months pregnant and very flirty. She lived with her boyfriend, who she loved, but she flirted with him, which he loved. She restored a confidence he was not aware he no longer had. His heart had been broken and he forgot and lost faith in the fact that he was a good guy with heaps of personality and that there was not just one woman who might be attracted to him? He really did think that maybe no other woman would want him after the last one. An absurd idea. But he never acknowledged it so he never had to deal with it. In Leah he had a pretty lady to speak to in the most intimate of ways but he knew and she knew that it never left work and was just talk. Mostly talk. Plenty of hugs thrown in for flavor. Harmless. Because he knew she was pregnant and in love.
“Can I touch you?”
All the air in her lungs went away as she responded, “Yes.”
“I mean can I hug you?”
She mouthed the phrase, “I said yes!” but no sound came out. He stood close to her and slid his arms under hers. A bear type hug that he worked to perfection as a younger man. Right arm high in the back left arm low around the waist. And he squeezed tightly until she was as close to him as he could get her to be. Then he flexed his muscles. She dropped her bags.
The flexing transforms a hug into an embrace. And ten seconds seems like an hour. He was not hugging her, he was holding her. He held on just a bit longer than friends should and he let go. As he used to do he ran his right hand up her arm from her hand to her shoulder and then walked his fingers down her back until his hand rested in the small of her back. They were standing a little too close to be friends.
“I sure do miss that. You still work up there, Leah?”
“No. I quit not long after you did. Why didn’t you ever come see me?”
“You know better than that.”
“What?” She still remembered. He was so very turned on by a woman who played coy with her words but not with her actions. He trusted her with that information but she seemed to find that out about him on her own. It seems he needed to feel like he surrendered that even though she clearly took it.
“What? What my ass. You know what. I couldn’t go up there, where I walked off the job, and ask to see you.”
“Oh.”
“And there was that little issue of your boyfriend.”
She smiled. That was what she wanted to hear. And maybe at that moment, more of their private talk sprang up in her mind.
“You could have come and seen me anyway.” She tightened her eyes and spoke through her teeth. She knew that turned him on like nothing else. Her sly smile confirmed that.
“There is no one at my job now that will tease me like that. And they all look like shit anyway.” They both laughed.
“I was a little worried you weren’t going to touch me. You know. You know?”
He buried a sigh in a smile.
“You crack me up, Leah. Look. If you weren’t with him… Well.. Anyway. A man must be certain not to pursue that which he can never have.”
“Quit.”
“Leah.”
“Sweetie?”
“I need to go. Okay?”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Can I kiss you before I go?”
“Yes.”
“Where?”
“Wherever.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere.”
When they worked together she kissed him all the time but he never once kissed her except on the hand from time to time. She drew in her breath as she anticipated where he would kiss her. His right hand was still in her lower back. He had been making circles and number eights with his fingers. He ran his hand up her back and down her arm where he took her hand. He licked his lips and leaned close to her and kissed her softly on the neck below her ear. She sighed. He then kissed the back of her hand as he used to and kissed her palm near the meaty part of the thumb.
“Good-bye Leah.” And with that he turned and walked away.
